


storm of the sun

by whizzvin_writes



Series: Outside Myself [1]
Category: The Book of Mormon - Ambiguous Fandom, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Angst, Anxious Kevin Price, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I hope these are good tags, Implied McPricely, Kevin Price Needs a Hug, Kevin has ptsd, Kevin is bad at expressing himself, M/M, Minor Elder "Connor" McKinley/Kevin Price, Retelling of Traumatic Events, Someone help, THE BOOK THING, comforting connor mckinley, mcpricely - Freeform, self deprecation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:08:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23365936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whizzvin_writes/pseuds/whizzvin_writes
Summary: Somethings can't stay hidden forever. Especially if they ruined your life, causing you to have a series of breakdowns in  the middle of the night on a ratty, old couch in Uganda. It's downright impossible to keep such drastic things from your district leader.ORKevin Price opens up about his encounter with the General.Part of the "Outside Myself" series, a group of one shots showcasing snapshots of Kevin Price and his struggles with PTSD.
Relationships: Elder "Connor" McKinley/Kevin Price
Series: Outside Myself [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1718671
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	storm of the sun

**Author's Note:**

> ❌TW: r*pe/sexual assault, abuse/assault,“the book thing”, (self) victim blaming, religious doubt, loss of beliefs, begging for death, self deprecation❌
> 
> I had friends read through this to help me tag potential triggers. This story centers around Kevin telling Connor about the thing that happened between him and the General. I truly hope this doesn’t come off as insensitive. As a sexual abuse victim, this is a way for me to cope. However it DOES cover heavy topics, so PLEASE don’t read this if you can’t handle it. Thank you.

“I’m sorry, you _what_?”

Connor’s shocked voice caused Kevin to flinch. _‘This wouldn’t have happened if you just kept your mouth shut,’_ his mind ever-so-helpfully reminded. The ex-district leader put his hands up.

“Elder Price, I’m-“

“Please don’t call me that. Just Kevin,” He interrupted, trying to push out the reminders of how wicked his name had sounded rolling off of the General’s tongue.

“Oh, uh, okay Kevin.” Connor paused before continuing. “Please know I’m not mad, I won’t hurt you. I just need you to be honest.”

Honest. He could do that.

“As I was saying, after you accidentally inspired me,” Kevin attempted to joke, but there was nothing funny to be said, “I went to try and convert General B- uh, Elder BFN. But it didn’t really work how I wanted it to. I tried to change him with a song, but as soon as I was done he…” Kevin’s mouth ran dry, and _‘Kevin Price you are NOT going to cry.’_ He forced himself to look away from Connor’s worries blue eyes.

“His men grabbed ahold of me. I thought I was done for, y’know? They were so strong, and their hands left bruises. Which, in case you were wondering, are not easy to hide when our uniforms are short-sleeved.” Kevin paused. “I thought them beating me was the worst they could do. At least if they killed me, the pain would be gone. But it wasn’t even the worst part. I begged to Heavenly Father, asking him to stop them from kicking me. I guess I got my wish.” He chuckled, but it lacked emotion.

“But you said that wasn’t the worst that they did?”

“I never said I was done.”

Connor hesitantly grabbed onto Kevin’s trembling hands and placed one of his own onto the younger boy’s back.

“I was thrown onto… something,” Kevin continued. “I thought it was over. But then the General was in my face, laughing at me. Mocking me. Asking _‘Where is your god now, white boy?’_ I still begged for Him to help me. To save me. Anything. Then-“

A choked sound escaped Kevin’s throat, resulting in the dam to break. Sobs, so powerful, so terrifying, erupted out. He gasped for breath, yet received none. His face turned red, either from the tears or the lack of oxygen. Forgetting the faux calm persona he had tried to put on ever since the incident, he threw himself into Connor’s arms.

“You’re doing so well, sweetie. Just breathe with me,” Connor advised, trying to stay calm for the broken young boy in his arms.

Breathe in, two, three, four. Hold, two, three. Out, two, three four.

A minute, or perhaps two minutes, maybe even three minutes passed. The number of minutes of silence that followed after things were calm were unable to be counted. There was only one thing ricocheting from each and every corner of Kevin’s mind, and he had to say it.

“I was raped.”

Silence.

Careful hands let go.

Brown eyes refused to meet blue.

“Kevin.”

Brown eyes looked up.

“Please don’t tell anyone,” he begged, feeling the tears begin to return. Connor felt frozen. In an attempt with his district leader voice, he continued onwards.

“Did he hurt you more after that? We need to take you to Gotswana, you could-“

“Gotswana already knows, he had to… uh, he had to take the book out.”

“The _what_?”

“I…” Kevin looked down, biting his lip. “When he was… yeah… I was still praying to Heavenly Father for forgiveness. For help. Anything that could change the situation. I guess it made him happier. The General, I mean. And after he- after he uh, pulled out, he saw my copy of the Book. He grinned, like he got the best birthday present in the world. I remember him curling it up a- and-“ He swallowed. “and he just shoved it in. Into me. _‘Now you can stop begging for him’_ , he said. I think I passed out after that. I was in so much pain, and I didn’t really know what was happening around me. I woke up when they threw me—literally—out of a vehicle. I tried to catch myself on my hands, but I just scraped myself up.” Kevin winced. “I remember shouting hasa diga eebowai. But I don’t think I regret it. I mean, what father lets his children suffer? What father lets his son wish he were dead, and do nothing about it? I know I was selfish, but I don’t think I deserved that.” There was a pause, and then forced laughs. “But I did deserve it, didn’t I? I was a selfish prick who only thought of himself. Don’t try to argue, we both know that’s true.” Kevin pointed out after seeing Connor’s expression.

“You weren’t a ‘selfish prick’, you just… had trouble adjusting to Uganda.”

“That’s real rich, coming from the guy who dropped me as soon as I showed no promise,” Kevin retorted. A look of hurt washed over Connor’s face, causing guilt to flood Kevin’s senses. “Sorry, I– that was uncalled for.”

“No, it’s alright. That was wrong of me. I’m sorry,” He responded apologetically. Kevin nodded.

“Anyway, I crawled maybe half a mile? I think I started out roughly a mile from the village. But I was so exhausted. Eventually I collapsed and I remember hoping for a lion or something to kill me. Instead, Mafala found me. I begged him to just take me back to the mission hut, but he insisted on taking me to Gotswana. So I guess that makes you the third person to know. Unless… unless Mafala told Nabulungi. Oh god,” Kevin groaned, sitting back in the coach. “What if Naba knows? Then Arnold could know and everyone will think I’m disgusting for letting that happen to me.”

“Kevin, nobody will think you’re disgusting. You didn’t want that to happen,” Connor reassured.

“But you don’t understand,” Kevin whined, looking at his crossed arms. “I stopped fighting. I just let him do it. I could’ve kept resisting, but I didn’t. It was my punishment for acting so… so stupidly!” His hands twitched with anxiety as he spoke.

“The only thing that you’re being stupid about,” Connor spoke calmly, “is thinking that you deserved that. Because you didn’t. Nobody deserves what you went through.” He smiled at the younger boy next to him. “You’re doing the best you can, and I’m so proud of you for being able to tell me all of this. It makes you brave.”

Kevin grinned sheepishly. “I guess. But thank you for being so understanding. I don’t want it–I don’t want to cause issues but could you uh, not put me on duty again with Elder BFN? It’s not that I can’t, I just…”

Connor stared at him with a horrified expression. “Kevin, I would never do that, not after what you just told me. It’s completely okay to feel uncomfortable near him.”

Kevin gave him a grateful smile. “Thank you.”

“It’s really no problem,” Connor responded with a smile of his own. They sat in silence for a moment, just listening to the noises of Uganda outside the hut. “I suppose we should try and get some rest, if that’s all..?” The former district leader looked towards Kevin for an answer.

“Yeah, that’s all.”

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow. Good night, Kevin. Sweet dreams,” he said, starting towards his room. Kevin nodded.

“You too, Connor. Sleep well,” he called after.

Kevin sat for a moment of his own before rushing off to his room, wondering about what he was currently feeling (mainly about the ginger boy who had just been sitting in front of him only a few moments prior). Whatever it was, it wasn’t going to go away anytime soon.

The warmth in his chest that had made itself apparent during Connor’s words of comfort only seemed to grow as the night went on. He didn’t know it yet, but that there was love. A love so passionate, so pure, so incredible, that he wouldn’t be able to forget it for the rest of his life. An honest, comforting, true love.


End file.
